SIR BOB GELDOF PAYS A VISIT
NOVEMBER 18, 2015 | JASON798 | EDIT
As hinted in my last Blog, I have an exclusive interview with Faversham luminary, Sir Bob Geldof.
To entice Sir Bob into my studio I have painted a portrait of the great man.
It began as a rough which I did on the train with a ball-point pen and a marker. Working like this stops me getting too bogged down with detail.
I wanted this to be a watercolour so I traced the drawing on to 300gsm cold press (rough) Bockingford watercolour paper, using a light-box.
Once I’m happy with this, I begin drawing over the lines with watercolour pencils.
Then comes the stressful process of applying the watercolour. This is my first ever watercolour portrait. My only experience with watercolour is painting old cars. http://www.atomicsquib.com/new-gallery-1/
I don’t mean this to sound like an excuse, but that is exactly what it is.
Oh my god that looks hideous! Obviously what works for rough old bangers doesn’t work for Bob Geldof’s face, although you’d think it would.
Ok. I’ll start again . . .
And now here’s my interview with Bob Geldof.
Me: Thank you very much for giving up your time for this interview Sir Robert.
Sir Bob Geldof: Well you told me on the phone that you had painted a portrait of me, which got me a little bit intrigued.
Me: That’s right Sir Bob and here it is. I do hope you like it.
SBG: Are you having a bloody laugh? That looks nothing like me.
Me: Oh . . . What? Really?
SBG: No it bloody well doesn’t. That looks like it’s been carved out of a lump of wood by a drunken monkey. And now I look around your studio I can see this whole place is full of crap. Who the hell told you you could draw?
Me: What? That’s a bit harsh. (change subject, change subject) Ok, so you don’t like my work. I also try and make my blog a little bit humorous. Perhaps we could lighten the mood. Do you know a good joke I can regale my audience with?
SBG: I doubt you’ve got an audience for this shite. And no! I don’t have a bloody joke . . . Your bloody artistry. That’s a bloody joke!
Me: Umm . . . Well . . .
SBG: I can’t believe you think that looks like me.
Me: Ok well let’s not dwell on that . . . Here’s my joke . . .
Did you hear they’ve awarded the Nobel Peace Prize this year to a scarecrow?
Illustrated using the ‘Brushes’ ap on my Ipad
SBG: [silence]
Me: Apparently he was out standing in his field. Ha! Get it?
SBG: [furious] Do you have to work hard at being an arse or does it just come naturally to you?
Me: Sorry!?
SBG: Bringin’ me in here and tellin’ me a joke about a scarecrow. Do you think I’m stupid?
Me: What!? I don’t know what you . . .
SBG: You think I don’t know what the locals say about me? “Scarecrow Bob”. “Frightened any crows off lately?” “Eew! Look at his grumpy face. He looks like he’s still got that scarecrow pole stuck up his arse”. And you bring me in here to tell me a joke about a scarecrow . . .
Me: Sorry. I didn’t realise . . .
SBG: Yeah right. This is what I think of your paintin’ [throws his portrait to the floor and stamps on it] I’m off!
Me: Oh . . . Ok well thanks for coming and please do come again . . . I do have another joke . . . about a man who smells of wee . . . You don’t want to hear it . . ?
SBG: [from the corridor] FXXK OFF!
Well I think you’ll agree that was all very insightful. Now that I look at it, Bob (I think I can call him ‘Bob’ now we’re mates) is right. Too laboured and muddy. I’ve since discovered Guan Weixing, http://www.guanweixing.com/index.html a brilliant watercolour painter from China. I tried to emulate his technique which is not easy. Here is my second attempt at a watercolour portrait.
It’s a vast improvement on my first attempt, although it still looks nothing like Bob Geldof.
For my next blog entry I will be doing another portrait, an oil painting this time, and regaling you with the intriguing, but little known story of Sophie Nix. Don’t worry I think this one is dead so she won’t be giving me any grief.
By the way, I have never really met Bob Geldof nor have I heard anyone call him a scarecrow. He is a bit scruffy though.